(all the crap bits in italics belong to........Martin Connolly (1904/2012) for background as to why check: Rationale
THE matron had given her leave to go out as soon as the women's tea was over and Maria looked forward to her evening out. The kitchen was spick and span: the cook said you could see yourself in the big copper boilers. The fire was nice and bright and on one of the side-tables were four very big barmbracks. It was All Hallow’s Eve, and barmbrack was traditional at this time. These barmbracks seemed uncut; but if you went closer you would see that they had been cut into long thick even slices and were ready to be handed round at tea. Maria had cut them herself. She felt this was a big achievement, and, in some small way, she wanted the others to praise her. She liked people complimenting her.
Maria was a very, very small person indeed but she had a very long nose and a very long chin. She talked a little through her nose, always soothingly: "Yes, my dear," and "No, my dear." She was always sent for when the women quarrelled over their tubs and always succeeded in making peace. One day the matron had said to her: "Maria, you are a veritable peace-maker!" And the sub-matron and two of the Board ladies had heard the compliment. And Ginger Mooney was always saying what she wouldn't do to the dummy who had charge of the irons if it wasn't for Maria. Everyone was so fond of Maria, and this made her feel important, and loved. Maria craved love, from wherever she could get it.
The women would have their tea at six o'clock and she would be able to get away before seven. From Ballsbridge to the Pillar, twenty minutes; from the Pillar to Drumcondra, twenty minutes; and twenty minutes to buy the things. She would be there before eight. She took out her purse with the silver clasps and read again the words A Present from Belfast. She was very fond of that purse because Joe had brought it to her five years before when he and Alphy had gone to Belfast on a Whit-Monday trip. In the purse were two half-crowns and some coppers. She would have five shillings clear after paying tram fare. What a nice evening they would have, all the children singing! Only she hoped that Joe wouldn't come in drunk. He was so different when he took any drink.
Often he had wanted her to go and live with them;-but she would have felt herself in the way (though Joe's wife was ever so nice with her) and she had become accustomed to the life of the laundry. Joe was a good fellow. She had nursed him and Alphy too; and Joe used often say:
"Mamma is mamma but Maria is my proper mother." These words were very dear to Maria: it made her feel that she had really had the experience of being a mother in her life, although, of course, she never had gotten married…
After the break-up at home the boys had got her that position in the Dublin by Lamplight laundry, and she liked it. It was not simply a laundry, but a place for ‘fallen women’, prostitutes, who had been saved from their terrible life on the streets. Maria sometimes wondered how ironic it was that she, who had never even had a boyfriend, was working in such a place! She used to have such a bad opinion of Protestants but now she thought they were very nice people, a little quiet and serious, but still very nice people to live with. Then she had her plants in the conservatory and she liked looking after them. She had lovely ferns and wax-plants and, whenever anyone came to visit her, she always gave the visitor one or two slips from her conservatory. There was one thing she didn't like and that was the tracts on the walls; but the matron was such a nice person to deal with, so genteel.
When the cook told her everything was ready she went into the women's room and began to pull the big bell. In a few minutes the women began to come in by twos and threes, wiping their steaming hands in their petticoats and pulling down the sleeves of their blouses over their red steaming arms. Maria always thought to herself that they were a little coarse and not very feminine. They settled down before their huge mugs which the cook and the dummy filled up with hot tea, already mixed with milk and sugar in huge tin cans. Maria superintended the distribution of the barmbrack and saw that every woman got her four slices. There was a great deal of laughing and joking during the meal. Lizzie Fleming said Maria was sure to get the ring and, though Fleming had said that for so many Hallow Eves, Maria had to laugh and say she didn't want any ring or man either; and when she laughed her grey-green eyes sparkled with disappointed shyness and the tip of her nose nearly met the tip of her chin. Of course, poor Maria was laughing like that to make people think she wasn't upset, but she was. She had wanted to get married all her adult life, but, alas, she could never find a man to love her. Then Ginger Mooney lifted her mug of tea and proposed Maria's health while all the other women clattered with their mugs on the table, and said she was sorry she hadn't a sup of porter to drink it in. And Maria laughed again till the tip of her nose nearly met the tip of her chin and till her minute body nearly shook itself asunder because she knew that Mooney meant well though, of course, she had the notions of a common woman. Maria would never say such a thing, of course, but she always felt herself to be a little different, and a little more sophisticated than her fellow workers. She also still felt a little sensitive over the suggestion that she would get the ring. Laughing was a good way to cover her true feelings.
But wasn't Maria glad when the women had finished their tea and the cook and the dummy had begun to clear away the tea-things! She went into her little bedroom and, remembering that the next morning was a mass morning, changed the hand of the alarm from seven to six. Then she took off her working skirt and her house-boots and laid her best skirt out on the bed and her tiny dress-boots beside the foot of the bed. She changed her blouse too and, as she stood before the mirror, she thought of how she used to dress for mass on Sunday morning when she was a young girl; and she looked with quaint affection at the diminutive body which she had so often adorned. In spite of its years she found it a nice tidy little body. She felt a sudden pang of sadness, thinking about all those lost opportunities in her life. But, such was life!
When she got outside the streets were shining with rain and she was glad of her old brown waterproof. The tram was full and she had to sit on the little stool at the end of the car, facing all the people, with her toes barely touching the floor. She arranged in her mind all she was going to do and thought how much better it was to be independent and to have your own money in your pocket. Many years ago, she had decided this was the best way to think of her situation: not being married was painful, but, she had decided to look on the positive aspects. Not being married also meant not having to share your money with someone else, and having the freedom to do whatever she wanted. It was not a very convincing alternative to being married, but it was the best she could think of, and it helped her get through life in a cheery manner. She hoped they would have a nice evening. She was sure they would but she could not help thinking what a pity it was Alphy and Joe were not speaking. They were always falling out now but when they were boys together they used to be the best of friends: but such was life. Maria had tried many times to make the brothers become friendly again, but it was always a failure. Alas! The matron had been wrong: she was not a 'veritable peacemaker' at all.
She got out of her tram at the Pillar and ferreted her way quickly among the crowds. She went into Downes's cake-shop but the shop was so full of people that it was a long time before she could get herself attended to. She bought a dozen of mixed penny cakes, and at last came out of the shop laden with a big bag. Then she thought what else would she buy: she wanted to buy something really nice. They would be sure to have plenty of apples and nuts. It was hard to know what to buy and all she could think of was cake. She decided to buy some plumcake but Downes's plumcake had not enough almond icing on top of it so she went over to a shop in Henry Street. Buy, buy, buy! That’s all she could think about! Here she was a long time in suiting herself and the stylish young lady behind the counter, who was evidently a little annoyed by her, asked her was it wedding-cake she wanted to buy. That made Maria blush and smile at the young lady; but the young lady took it all very seriously and finally cut a thick slice of plumcake, parcelled it up and said: "Two-and-four, please." Maria felt a little hurt: here, in this nice shop, she had suddenly been made aware of the sadness and loneliness in her life. She was sure that stylish young lady was not lonely: she probably had a boyfriend and would get married soon.
She thought she would have to stand in the Drumcondra tram because none of the young men seemed to notice her but an elderly gentleman made room for her. He was a stout gentleman and he wore a brown hard hat; he had a square red face and a greyish moustache. Maria thought he was a colonel-looking gentleman and she reflected how much more polite he was than the young men who simply stared straight before them. The gentleman began to chat with her about Hallow Eve and the rainy weather. He supposed the bag was full of good things for the little ones and said it was only right that the youngsters should enjoy themselves while they were young. Maria agreed with him and favoured him with demure nods and hems. He was very nice with her, and when she was getting out at the Canal Bridge she thanked him and bowed, and he bowed to her and raised his hat and smiled agreeably, and while she was going up along the terrace, bending her tiny head under the rain, she thought how easy it was to know a gentleman even when he has a drop taken. It could be so easy to talk to men. Why hadn't she met someone like him a long time ago?
Everybody said: "O, here's Maria!" when she came to Joe's house. Joe was there, having come home from business, and all the children had their Sunday dresses on. There were two big girls in from next door and games were going on. Maria gave the bag of cakes to the eldest boy, Alphy, to divide and Mrs. Donnelly said it was too good of her to bring such a big bag of cakes and made all the children say:"Thanks, Maria." Mrs Donnelly knew that Maria liked it when people said nice things to her, so she made sure that the children said thanks. She was always thinking of ways in which she could make Maria happy.
But Maria said she had brought something special for papa and mamma, something they would be sure to like, and she began to look for her plumcake. She tried in Downes's bag and then in the pockets of her waterproof and then on the hallstand but nowhere could she find it. Then she asked all the children had any of them eaten it—by mistake, of course—but the children all said no and looked as if they did not like to eat cakes if they were to be accused of stealing. They were thinking that Maria had no right to accuse them, and they were not happy about it. Everybody had a solution for the mystery and Mrs. Donnelly said it was plain that Maria had left it behind her in the tram. Maria, remembering how confused the gentleman with the greyish moustache had made her, coloured with shame and vexation and disappointment. What had she been thinking at that time? Had Maria forgotten about the cake because she was enjoying her conversation with him so much? She almost didn't want to admit it, but, in her heart of hearts, even though she knew he had been a little intoxicated, that she had liked him, even been attracted to him. This, however, was too shocking for her and she did her best to forget she had ever felt that way.Another terrible idea occurred to her: had the gentleman...? No, surely not! Had he stolen the plumcake? Had his friendliness just been a way of deceiving Maria, so that he could fool her and steal the special cake she had bought? No! It couldn't be! Maria did all she could to put the thought out of her mind. At the thought of the failure of her little surprise and of the two and fourpence she had thrown away for nothing (not to mention everything else that was going round in her head) she nearly cried outright.
But Joe said it didn't matter and made her sit down by the fire. He was very nice with her. He told her all that went on in his office, repeating for her a smart answer which he had made to the manager. Maria did not understand why Joe laughed so much over the answer he had made but she said that the manager must have been a very overbearing person to deal with. Of course, it was also true that Maria often laughed a great deal, and people around her were not always quite sure why she laughed so very much. Joe said he wasn't so bad when you knew how to take him, that he was a decent sort so long as you didn't rub him the wrong way. Mrs. Donnelly played the piano for the children and they danced and sang. Then the two next-door girls handed round the nuts. Nobody could find the nutcrackers and Joe was nearly getting cross over it and asked how did they expect Maria to crack nuts without a nutcracker. But Maria said she didn't like nuts and that they weren't to bother about her. Then Joe asked would she take a bottle of stout and Mrs. Donnelly said there was port wine too in the house if she would prefer that. Maria said she would rather they didn't ask her to take anything: but Joe insisted.
So Maria let him have his way and they sat by the fire talking over old times and Maria thought she would put in a good word for Alphy. But Joe cried that God might strike him stone dead if ever he spoke a word to his brother again and Maria said she was sorry she had mentioned the matter. Mrs. Donnelly told her husband it was a great shame for him to speak that way of his own flesh and blood but Joe said that Alphy was no brother of his and there was nearly being a row on the head of it. But Joe said he would not lose his temper on account of the night it was and asked his wife to open some more stout. He could soon turn from being very nice to being very aggressive, and Maria had been a little shocked; she decided that she had to be careful what she said to Joe next time. Of course, she had known this from before. The two next-door girls had arranged some Hallow Eve games and soon everything was merry again. Maria was delighted to see the children so merry and Joe and his wife in such good spirits. She was also a little relieved. The next-door girls put some saucers on the table and then led the children up to the table, blindfold. One got the prayer-book and the other three got the water; and when one of the next-door girls got the ring Mrs. Donnelly shook her finger at the blushing girl as much as to say: O, I know all about it! They insisted then on blindfolding Maria and leading her up to the table to see what she would get; and, while they were putting on the bandage, Maria laughed and laughed again till the tip of her nose nearly met the tip of her chin. Some of the children wondered why Maria always laughed so much. Was she alright?
They led her up to the table amid laughing and joking and she put her hand out in the air as she was told to do. She moved her hand about here and there in the air and descended on one of the saucers. She felt a soft wet substance with her fingers and was surprised that nobody spoke or took off her bandage. There was a pause for a few seconds; and then a great deal of scuffling and whispering. Somebody said something about the garden, and at last Mrs. Donnelly said something very cross to one of the next-door girls and told her to throw it out at once: that was no play. Maria understood that it was wrong that time and so she had to do it over again: and this time she got the prayer-book. Of course, what had happened was that Maria had first touched the saucer with clay in it. In this game, 'clay' had a special meaning: it meant 'death'! So, when Maria touched it, Mrs Donnelly was very shocked. She didn't know that the children had put this saucer with clay in it: in most decent houses, this game was played without clay. When Maria touched it, however, she felt terrible, because she didn't want to tell Maria that she chosen such a terrible fate. Somehow, she always felt sorry for Maria. She had never married, poor woman. Mrs Donnelly felt some kind of awkwardness concerning the subject, because Maria had never seemed to want to talk about such matters. She was always smiling and pleasant, although Joe's wife suspected that was her way of protecting herself from harsh reality. She also wanted to protect her. Maybe everyone did.
After that Mrs. Donnelly played Miss McCloud's Reel for the children and Joe made Maria take a glass of wine. Soon they were all quite merry again and Mrs. Donnelly said Maria would enter a convent before the year was out because she had got the prayer-book. Maria had never seen Joe so nice to her as he was that night, so full of pleasant talk and reminiscences. She said they were all very good to her. Maria was becoming a little tipsy.
At last the children grew tired and sleepy and Joe asked Maria would she not sing some little song before she went, one of the old songs. Mrs. Donnelly said "Do, please, Maria!" and so Maria had to get up and stand beside the piano. Mrs. Donnelly bade the children be quiet and listen to Maria's song. Then she played the prelude and said "Now, Maria!" and Maria, blushing very much (because of the alcohol and all the attention) began to sing in a tiny quavering voice. She sang ‘I Dreamt that I Dwelt’, and when she came to the second verse she sang again:
I dreamt that I dwelt in marble halls
With vassals and serfs at my side,
And of all who assembled within those walls
That I was the hope and the pride.
I had riches too great to count; could boast
Of a high ancestral name,
But I also dreamt, which pleased me most,
That you loved me still the same.
But no one tried to show her her mistake; and when she had ended her song Joe was very much moved. The verse she had missed concerned the many suitors the lady had: maybe it was just a mistake by Maria, but it may also have been Maria trying to ignore that part because it was too emotionally painful for her. Maria had never had suitors, or lovers, and that was a very sad thing. (Like the lady in the song, too, Maria seemed to be living in a dream…) Joe said that there was no time like the long ago and no music for him like poor old Balfe, whatever other people might say; and his eyes filled up so much with tears that he could not find what he was looking for and in the end he had to ask his wife to tell him where the corkscrew was. Like many Irish people, Joe liked to drink and didn't know when to stop, but at this moment, he felt so sad for poor Maria. He could never say this to her, because it was so painful, so rather than try to communicate -something he had never done very well- he just wanted to drink alcohol, to make him forget about all this awful sadness. Alas, alack! Poor Maria!
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